What Is It That We Do Seek?

A long time ago I stumbled upon two very disturbing thoughts.

1) If we attain heaven upon death, why are we so afraid of death?

2) And if that is so, why don't we also welcome death, in fact long for and seek it?

The implications are obvious. What I'm proposing is that I had pondered at one point why don't Christians consider suicide an option? This thought was rightfully dismissed from my mind almost immediately after it had entered. I concluded that since murder is condemned in the Bible, it was not even a consideration of the true believer. Yet it still nagged at me that the Christians around me were afraid to die. I considered the fact that even Paul considered death gain (Philippians 1:21) and that this life was a constant struggle against the world, the flesh, and the Devil. Why not end it permanently and enjoy the benefits of heaven forever? It is now clear to me that this thinking is entirely based out of selfishness, self love. I desired the delights of heaven and no more. I am ashamed of my thoughts then. I am ashamed of my selfishness. Later on I was confronted with an idea. I was confronted with this thought: "How would you like to spend eternity worshipping God?" The thought of golden streets and a mansion all to myself was more appealing at the time. I thought of a thousand things I would do and a thousand people I'd want to meet. Sadly, God and worshipping God was not on the list. My view was so wrong, so selfish. My case, extreme though it was, is I believe similar to many Christians in the US. We desire the things that appeal to the flesh. We have been told for ages "don't you want to go to heaven?" and "when you turn to God you will inherit eternal life and heaven!" I in such a sinful and carnal state wanted that! I wanted to life for ever enjoying life! How foolish. God is life! What we see here is nothing! A big house is nothing! The enjoyment I want now (when I am not warring with my flesh, alas!) is to worship God in truth and absent of my tainted flesh, my sin! For me to die is truly gain but it is not gain for the flesh it is firstly gain for God. He will be glorified forever by the saints. The reason why I share this with you is to contrast it with (in better words than I can muster) the words of a missionary: David Brainard. He stated it like this:

"I do not go to heaven to be advanced, but to give glory to God. It is no matter where I shall be stationed in heaven, whether I have a high or low seat there, but to live and please and glorify God. My heaven is to please God and glorify Him and give all to Him and be wholly devoted to His glory."

That is the point. We are afraid of death because we are fleshly and desire to hang on to, down to the last finger, the earthly things that we desire. Oh! Sinful flesh of mine! Our goal is to glorify God now and forever! despise your flesh and its desires. Truly a Christian will not be so base and selfish so as to commit suicide to avoid the trials of this earth and attain glory, not while our fellow creatures stand round us sinking into hell. Do your Father's will and serve Him because He is the object of our affections. God have mercy on our souls!